i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
