dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
