I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
