I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
