Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
