it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
