Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
