so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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