So drunk its hurt
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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