I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
