When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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