Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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