No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
