You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
