I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
