I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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