I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
