I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she told me i tasted like america
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
