Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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