Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
