and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
