A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize