Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
