I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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