So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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