Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
