I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
