i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
