Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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