It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My ATM looks so different sober.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
