No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
