But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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