Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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