I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
