my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
