He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
