ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
