Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
