Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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