anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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