we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
