i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
