You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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