i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
