roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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