Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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