she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
