Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
