every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
