I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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