my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
